Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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