Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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