a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
