I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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