I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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