I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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