apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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