so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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