so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize