He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
