I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize