Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
