Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
