Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
