I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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