found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Randomize
