I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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