Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
We named our party play list daddy issues
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
