I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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