You work out of a Hotel?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
