brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
