no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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