Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
