when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
