You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize