you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
No subtext here. People are naked.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
God I need to hump something, right now.
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