it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
