if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
