I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize