I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
