peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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