I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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