i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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