He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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