Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
