this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
