I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It's shark week go big or go home
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
