if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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