She is in my trunk
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
