Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
