i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
