I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
