wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
