I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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