i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Maybe he injected his testicle?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
