Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
