just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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