I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
