Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
