From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
