I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize