well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Randomize