dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
