So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
