Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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