Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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