Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
