whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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