Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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