Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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