What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
